Don’t Believe Everything You Think

The older I get the more I realize that my mind is not always my friend.  It is a superb storyteller but doesn’t always tell the truth.  How do we develop these stories in our mind? Where does this information in our heads originate?

My quest to learn more unearthed the term ‘core beliefs” and is where today’s blog post begins.  What are core beliefs and how do they impact us?  These beliefs have an impact on our daily choices and important life decisions.  So how do we sift through these beliefs, identify them, and decide which ones serve us and which ones to let go.  Furthermore, as a health coach, I ask myself: How do these beliefs affect us in pursuing our goals and fulfilling our dreams?

Let me make this real with a personal example.  When I was in my early thirties, I was considering purchasing a house.  I nearly talked myself out of it because of the story I was telling myself.  My story told me, “You must be married to buy a house. You can’t do this by yourself”, and “How sad you are doing this alone.”  I even had those I respected telling me it was too expensive and questioning my ability to succeed independently.  I felt all those things, received all that feedback, and I did it anyway.  Deep inside, I knew that I could do it even though my mind was telling me a different tale.  All the evidence supported my decision.  I had a great job; I was strong, resourceful, and financially responsible.  It turned out to be a great decision and I was so insanely proud of myself for doing it alone.  I absolutely loved that house! Today when I am doubting myself, (and it does happen more than I like) I still use this example to remind myself not to believe everything I think and to dig deeper into objective reality when making decisions.

I think we can all benefit from learning more and exploring the idea of core beliefs and how they help or hinder us in our daily life.  I recently sat down with Kayla Eza, Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW), to discuss this topic and to ask her some questions about how we can challenge our beliefs so that we may live our most authentic life and be the best version of ourselves.

Q: What is a core belief and where do they come from?

Kayla: A core belief, also known as deeply held beliefs, influences the lens through which we view the world, others, and ourselves. Our core beliefs derive from messages and feedback we receive from integral aspects of our life such as: our family, friends, teachers, and society.  They create the perception of our reality, driving our automatic thought processes and directly influencing emotions.

Q: Why do we believe old messages?

Kayla: So why do we believe these messages received from all around us? When we think about the sources that core beliefs develop from, most originate from those we are closest to. As children we are very impressionable, depending on the people in our lives to help us navigate and understand the world. The messages we receive and experiences we go through create core beliefs and further engrain them. To question them means to challenge everything we know to be true and step out of our “comfort zone”. Our comfort zone may not be what is actually comfortable and working for us, but rather what we know to be true and expect. To ask ourselves to challenge that and change what we believe so deeply creates fear and unknowns.

Q: How do they serve us and how do they hurt us?

Kayla: Core beliefs can be positive or negative in nature depending on how they impact our choices that lead us towards or away from our authentic self. Core beliefs that are positive can serve us in ways such as driving us to work towards achieving our life goals. A positive core belief such as “I am worthy” can help us to hold healthy and meaningful relationships. It is negative core beliefs that hurt us and hold us back. They are the invisible box that keeps us stuck in the patterns and thought processes that no longer serve us. A negative core belief such as “I am worthless” can stop us from getting the dream job we want or finding a partner who will treat us with love and respect. If we believe the narrative that has been told to us without questioning it, we surrender to our story already being written.

Q: What can we do to release thoughts and beliefs that no longer serve us?

Kayla: Increasing awareness of our core beliefs can help to release thoughts that no longer serve us and hold on to the ones that lift us up and guide us to write our own narrative. A question I often ask clients is: “Is this belief or thought helpful or harmful?” By asking this question and self-reflecting, it gives you a deeper understanding of what is driving your thoughts and feelings. Once we increase our awareness, we then get to make the choice on what we want to do about it. Do we continue to let the beliefs that don’t serve us stay present and move us farther from what we want? Or do we challenge those beliefs and take control of our own narrative?

We can use our values to help guide us in determining the helpfulness of our core beliefs. Our values reflect what is most important to us and can tell us a lot about whether we are leading a life that aligns with those values or goes against them. Testing your beliefs against your values is a great way to explore if your core beliefs are helping or hindering you.  In your November blog post entitled “Find Your Superpower”, you talk about values and share a free and fun tool you can use to uncover your values. The tool can be found at www.viacharacter.org.

Additionally, to help change negative core beliefs no longer serving us, we can put our thoughts on trial and learn to challenge them. While there is much to be explored within this idea, a simple application of this process can be found at https://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/core-beliefs.  Feel free to download it and try it for yourself.

Q: What can we do in daily life to help us navigate our thoughts and beliefs when they come up?

Kayla: Change is hard. It takes work every day to get to where we want to be. Give yourself grace and have patience. These messages and beliefs developed over years of our lives will not change overnight. Beliefs are not only stored in our mind but also in our body and spirit.  It will take time to fully uncover this and develop beliefs that better reflect who you are today.   But like a muscle, the more we exercise it the stronger and more developed it gets. We are all capable of making changes that can help us live happier, healthier, and more fulfilled.

I know this topic is a heavy one, but I believe it is an important one to discuss considering our thoughts have a profound influence on our actions, feelings, and outlook.  Practicing self-awareness is something that my clients engage in each week as we discuss goals, successes, and challenges.  For some, working with a trained professional, like a LCSW, can help to uncover potential “stuck areas” that prevent us from moving forward.  When we can gain tools to add to our toolbox, we become more confident and able to tackle whatever comes our way. As a health coach, partnerships with licensed professionals, like Kayla, are a critical resource for my practice.  Kayla is not only a trusted professional, and also a respected resource when needed.

Core beliefs have a profound impact on our health, work, relationships and more.  Understanding and challenging our internal dialogue helps us grow in new ways.  We all have the power to tap into our inner knowledge, though sometimes we forget or the narrative we tell ourselves is outdated and drowning out that voice.  You deserve to live your best life, your most authentic life and to be happy!  I want that for you!

Remember, you matter, and you are enough!  I believe in your power and want to see you shine!

Until next time..