I Know She’s Still in There
If you are anything like me (let’s see if you can relate), you didn’t wake up one day and think, I need to do something now. It happens slowly, and sometimes it is so subtle—and we are so busy during the day—that we don’t always notice it at the moment.
It is sitting in a meeting or talking with a friend and not being able to find the word or phrase, even though we know it is right beneath the surface. We stop for a brief moment, feeling frustrated, and maybe we even wonder why our brain is not cooperating. But then we move on.
We wake up in the morning and still feel tired, not refreshed. It takes a little more to get out of bed. Maybe our body moves a little slower, or there is a subtle ache in a place we don’t remember using.
We look in the mirror and notice changes in our body and our face and think, ugh. Let’s be real about it—we have all felt this way. Some of us may have a regular exercise routine, while others may not have the time, and still others may not be actively involved in one right now.
If we have children, they may be grown and flown or well on their way. Their needs have changed, and therefore our role is changing too. What was familiar now feels unfamiliar, and we are left thinking, Okay, what’s next? And now that it is time for me, what do I do?
These are all real scenarios, and there are even more. I haven’t even gotten into what we see on social media and hear from our friends about what we could, should, and maybe even want to try or do. It can be exhausting.
This is what I want to say: I hear you. I am listening. And I am one of you.
We don’t have to have it all figured out. Really, we don’t have to have any of it figured out. We just need to think, I want to feel different. Better. More like the me I remember. You may have even said, I know she is still in there. I know I have. We just need the desire to make a change to feel more like ourselves again. That is where we begin.
Beginning doesn’t mean starting over. Somewhere along the way, we have gotten the idea that making a change means we need to overhaul everything. We need a new exercise program. We need to eat differently. We need to lose weight or maybe we are being told not to focus on the weight. We need more protein. More fiber. More sleep. We need to lift heavier, walk more, manage our stress, meditate, take the right supplements, drink more water, and somehow fit all of this into a life that was already pretty full to begin with. No wonder we feel overwhelmed.
There is a lot of good information out there. I share some of it myself. But knowing what we could be doing and knowing what is right for us are two very different things. Maybe the question isn’t, what should I be doing? Maybe it is, what do I need right now? That question feels different. It asks us to stop looking outside ourselves for a moment and start paying attention to what is happening inside.
Consider this:
How am I actually feeling?
What is working well in my life right now?
What isn’t?
What do I miss?
And perhaps most importantly, how do I want to feel?
When we say, I want to feel like myself again, I don’t think we are necessarily saying that we want to go backward. I don’t want to be 25 again. Or 35. There are things about the woman I am today that I wouldn’t trade for anything the experience, perspective, resilience, and greater understanding of who I am. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to feel strong in my body. I want energy. I want to feel confident. I want to take care of myself so that I can continue doing the things I love. I want to feel good when I look in the mirror—not because I am trying to look younger, but because I recognize the woman looking back at me.
Maybe that is what we are really searching for. Not the person we used to be, but a connection to the person we are becoming. And perhaps this stage of life gives us an opportunity we haven’t had before. For many of us, much of our adult lives have been spent doing. Building careers. Raising families. Caring for other people. Managing households. Showing up. Solving problems. Checking things off the list. Now there may be a little more room to ask a different question: What do I want for myself from here?
You don’t need to have the answer today. You don’t need a perfectly mapped-out plan. And you certainly don’t need to change everything at once. You just need a place to begin. Let’s start by becoming curious. Instead of giving you another list of things you should be doing, I am going to leave you with three questions.
What feels different about me right now?
What do I miss about the way I used to feel?
How would I like to feel six months from now?
Don’t worry yet about how you are going to get there. Just pay attention to your answers. Because sometimes change doesn’t begin with a new diet, a new workout plan, or another promise that Monday will be different. Sometimes it begins much more quietly. It begins when we decide that the way we feel matters. And when that little voice says, I know she is still in there, maybe instead of brushing it aside, this time we listen. This is where I leave you today—with the seeds of possibility and a question only you can answer: Where do you want to go from here?
If something in this post felt familiar, take a few minutes with the three questions above. You don’t need to solve anything today. Just notice what comes up. And if you find yourself thinking, I know I want something to change, but I’m not quite sure where to begin, that’s okay too. Sometimes talking it through with someone can help bring a little clarity. That’s a conversation I’m always happy to have.
